City Life

Last month The Farmer was The Soldier for three weeks. After the kids and I spent a week at home we headed into Tigard to spend some time with my parents while the soldier was away. It was different living back in the city. All the activities we were able to do were nice, but ugh the traffic! I could live without that. I visited with a few friends and got a lot of errands done (one nice thing about the city). We didn't get to go on as many walks as I thought we would, the weather was much cooler and wetter then I expected. We did get to go up the school playground and an indoor play park at a local church. The zoo was a major highlight for Micah and Fabric Depot was a major highlight for me.

We also were able to join the family in celebrating my Grandparents 63rd anniversary, which happens to be the same as our anniversary. Though we are not quite at 63 years, we are at 7 years. 

Where Did I Go

Wow not sure why I haven't blogged in so long. For a while I felt like I was just catching up on life once C had returned home. Can't really use that reason anymore, he has been home for weeks now. So I guess I will try to do a little up date.

In January and a little bit of February C was gone with the national guard on a training mission in the middle east (not a combat area). It was so sweet when he got home Micah just reached up to him for a hug put his head on his shoulder and didn't move.



Micah loves being outside. He enjoys "helping" with the addition or at least watching and playing with wood.


The trees are still dormant as they should be and covered in snow.


We had a nice day, it was cold but we took advantage and went to a near by park. Micah loved it and it helps give this very active toddler some much needed large motor movement.

Throwing rocks into the river with Papa, what could be more fun.

Missing Him

These two are missing each other. On Thursday Micah had a tough day (which ultimately means a challenging day for me). He was extra fussy and needing much more comfort. I think he is missing his Dad but doesn't know that that is what he is feeling, just that something is off.


Micah is giving my Dad extra long hugs, probably missing male connection. It is hard for Micah since he usually gets to see his Dad all throughout the day. I am also sure that it is hard for The Farmer too since he gets to see both of us throughout the day.


I don't know how single Moms do this. It is challenging and a lot of work. I am thankful I have family around to help.

Op Sec

C just got back from a leadership training course with the national guard. As part of it he went through op sec (operational security). Even though he is not active he is still part of the military and one day could be activated. He told me I should not use his name here. So from now on he will just be referred to as C, unless I come up with a name for him like Pioneer Woman does for Marlboro Man, her husband. I also would ask in comments you please refer to him as C other wise I will have to remove the comment. Thank you!

Signs That He is Home

Driving us home. I had been really looking forward to this. I don't mind driving, but I don't love driving. With C home it means I don't have to drive. I enjoy looking around much more as we go down the road.

He had two bags FULL. One of them I could barely even move. Made me really glad we didn't have to pay for luggage at the airport because it was well over 50 pounds.

Projects, projects, projects! Let me see if I can remember everything C has done so far since being home. Installed a dimmer switch for the dinner room, moved our closet light switch, added more shelves to our closet, installed a new (to us) dishwasher, organized and cleaned the garage, thatched the lawn, cleaned and painted a new engine for the cruiser (long story but we will be selling it now), got one coat of stain on the deck (thanks to the weather haven't been able to do more), took out the shower doors in the guest bath (much easier for bathing baby), installed a new wireless router, set up a network for our computers, and I'm sure if I asked him there would be more, I know he was out running some errands for various things as well.

Looking Back

After nearly seven months C is finally home! It is hard to believe he is here to stay. We have certainly experienced and learned quite a bit over this time. When I look back, those first weeks seem so long ago. I can see the many ways God helped me through the tough times. You can only prepare so much for your spouse to be gone, there are just some things you can never be fully ready for.

I was so lonely at the beginning and not knowing how I was going to make it through this time. I remember the first Thursday that C was gone looking at the clock, 6:40am, and how overpowered I was with sadness, how much I missed him, and thinking how long we still had to go. Through this time there were many verses that were an encouragement to me, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discourage, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9). "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6). With my own understanding, life and being apart became almost overwhelming unbearable. It is through Him that I get strength (Philippians 4:13), for His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9), that enabled me to get through this time.

There were two distinct times I remember those first couple weeks where I was really struggling and I unexpectedly received a call from C (one at 4am). It was like God was saying to me "I know you hurt, I know you are sad and struggling. I love you, care for you, and will provide for your every need." After that first unexpected call, I felt I was over the hump. I was still sad and lonely and knew there were still going to be hard times ahead. But my emotions were not quite as raw and uncontrollable.

I am so thankful with my job I was able to move around and stay with family. As nice as it was to be home, after awhile it would get quite lonely. Being able to stay with family certainly made the time easier. For whatever reason Sundays by myself always seemed to be the hardest. I had to focus on and find the ways for me to be joyful through this season. It is not easy, nor do I think I really figured it out, but focusing on this verse helped, "When I said, "My foot is slipping." Your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." (Psalm 94:17-19).

There are reasons we go through certain chapters, and season in our lives, some not always what we would choose for ourselves. Though whatever we go through there is something to learn, and we did learn a lot during this time. But I am thankful that this chapter is done. We are not commanded to be thankful for everything, but we are expected to give thanks in everything. I might not be thankful for the hard times we had while apart, but I do give thanks to God for the ways He saw us through and for what He taught us.

Meals

Since it has been almost seven months since I have cooked on a regular basis. I figured I should do some pretty serious meal planning. I usually do rough meal planning based on what's on sale and what we have in the pantry. But with C coming home and ready for some home cooking I decided to plan a number of meals that I know he likes and new ones I am sure he will. Plus then I won't have to think about it too much when we are trying to get settled back at home. Another plus I will already have a shopping list prepared. So far what I have is...



Chicken spaghetti and broccoli with garlic and lemon

Comfort meatballs, twice baked potatoes and salad

Garlic marinated chicken with grilled potatoes and asparagus

Sloppy joes, oven fries and salad

Stir-fry in sweet and sour sauce

Fajitas

Beef stroganoff with glazed carrots

Chicken piccata, roasted red potatoes with garlic and rosemary, and salad



What do you think? Any other ideas? Having these planned doesn't necessary mean there won't be other things mixed in there. I just like knowing I have what I need to make certain meals. I am sure there will be some desserts in there too. :) Most likely ice cream, I'm sure C has missed Breyers mint chocolate chip.

Now....how do I hold a knife again??

Last

When you think of something being your last are you one to get excited or sorrowful? I suppose it all depends on what the last is. Although sometimes it can both be exciting and sad, it is bittersweet. Like graduating college, it was a very happy time, but almost sad too thinking about the end of such a great chapter in life.
There is no doubt that the lasts I'm experiencing now are great and very exciting. When I came back to Bend last month it was my last time driving home without C. Sunday was my last time going to our church by myself. I had my last prenatal doctors appointment without C. I leave Bend tomorrow for the last time without C. The last time packing up my "office", last time making sure the house is ready for me to leave for a few weeks, the last time pulling away without C. And tonight I crawl into our bed for the last time alone. These are the kind of lasts I love.

I'm Ready

There are times when it is nice, and even refreshing to be alone. Today is not one of those times. It is amazing how lonely you can feel even when surrounded by people. I was at church today all around people, yet very much alone. As I write these thoughts I'm at a coffee shop, also around people and still feeling alone.

I usually enjoy sitting at a coffee shop observing people and getting a glimpse into their lives. But now all I see is people together and I long to have someone sitting next to me. Not necessarily to talk with, just to be with. I'm ready for that person to be C. I know I'm lucky compared to other families with loved ones deployed. I don't have the the fear of the danger that C is facing. But whether on the other side of the world or the other side of the country, they are still gone. They are still missing from life and you are still alone. I'm ready for this to be over, to not experience this loneliness anymore. I'm ready for my soldier, my love to be home.