Looking Back

After nearly seven months C is finally home! It is hard to believe he is here to stay. We have certainly experienced and learned quite a bit over this time. When I look back, those first weeks seem so long ago. I can see the many ways God helped me through the tough times. You can only prepare so much for your spouse to be gone, there are just some things you can never be fully ready for.

I was so lonely at the beginning and not knowing how I was going to make it through this time. I remember the first Thursday that C was gone looking at the clock, 6:40am, and how overpowered I was with sadness, how much I missed him, and thinking how long we still had to go. Through this time there were many verses that were an encouragement to me, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discourage, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9). "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6). With my own understanding, life and being apart became almost overwhelming unbearable. It is through Him that I get strength (Philippians 4:13), for His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9), that enabled me to get through this time.

There were two distinct times I remember those first couple weeks where I was really struggling and I unexpectedly received a call from C (one at 4am). It was like God was saying to me "I know you hurt, I know you are sad and struggling. I love you, care for you, and will provide for your every need." After that first unexpected call, I felt I was over the hump. I was still sad and lonely and knew there were still going to be hard times ahead. But my emotions were not quite as raw and uncontrollable.

I am so thankful with my job I was able to move around and stay with family. As nice as it was to be home, after awhile it would get quite lonely. Being able to stay with family certainly made the time easier. For whatever reason Sundays by myself always seemed to be the hardest. I had to focus on and find the ways for me to be joyful through this season. It is not easy, nor do I think I really figured it out, but focusing on this verse helped, "When I said, "My foot is slipping." Your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." (Psalm 94:17-19).

There are reasons we go through certain chapters, and season in our lives, some not always what we would choose for ourselves. Though whatever we go through there is something to learn, and we did learn a lot during this time. But I am thankful that this chapter is done. We are not commanded to be thankful for everything, but we are expected to give thanks in everything. I might not be thankful for the hard times we had while apart, but I do give thanks to God for the ways He saw us through and for what He taught us.