20 weeks

I think I am going to be surprised how far along I am every time, I can't believe I'm at 20 weeks now. Half way already! It is strange to look down and see a belly sticking out and know it is because of a baby (not a few extra pounds). Crazy as well to start seeing more physical signs that I am pregnant and soon will have a person fully dependent on me. Yikes!
At my last doctor's appointment before I left Bend the doctor and I were listening to the heart rate, and then there were a few other noises coming through too. The doctor explained that we were hearing the baby more. I was amazed! Amazed that I have a child moving in me and amazed that they are moving around that much and I can't feel it. But, I have now started to feel the baby move! It is pretty neat and weird. Sometimes I'm not sure if it is the baby or just digestion but I assuming if I think it is the baby then it probably is.
I am starting to get anxious to find out if we are having a boy or girl. Then I will feel like I can really start preparing for the baby. Plus C will be here and then we can start planning and preparing together. Oh that will be so great!

Last

When you think of something being your last are you one to get excited or sorrowful? I suppose it all depends on what the last is. Although sometimes it can both be exciting and sad, it is bittersweet. Like graduating college, it was a very happy time, but almost sad too thinking about the end of such a great chapter in life.
There is no doubt that the lasts I'm experiencing now are great and very exciting. When I came back to Bend last month it was my last time driving home without C. Sunday was my last time going to our church by myself. I had my last prenatal doctors appointment without C. I leave Bend tomorrow for the last time without C. The last time packing up my "office", last time making sure the house is ready for me to leave for a few weeks, the last time pulling away without C. And tonight I crawl into our bed for the last time alone. These are the kind of lasts I love.

I'm Ready

There are times when it is nice, and even refreshing to be alone. Today is not one of those times. It is amazing how lonely you can feel even when surrounded by people. I was at church today all around people, yet very much alone. As I write these thoughts I'm at a coffee shop, also around people and still feeling alone.

I usually enjoy sitting at a coffee shop observing people and getting a glimpse into their lives. But now all I see is people together and I long to have someone sitting next to me. Not necessarily to talk with, just to be with. I'm ready for that person to be C. I know I'm lucky compared to other families with loved ones deployed. I don't have the the fear of the danger that C is facing. But whether on the other side of the world or the other side of the country, they are still gone. They are still missing from life and you are still alone. I'm ready for this to be over, to not experience this loneliness anymore. I'm ready for my soldier, my love to be home.

17 weeks

17 weeks already, hard to believe. Of course, when I think how many weeks I have to go I realize that I still have quite a lot. I had another doctor's appointment. Thanks to my good genes my blood pressure is very good. I've gained about 8 pounds since my first appointment at eight weeks. But the best part of this doctor's appointment was hearing the babies heart beat again. I could listen to that all the time. The babies heart rate was at 155, which seems fast but is regular for the baby. With how normal I've been feeling it is nice to hear the baby and know they really are there. Though one thing I have noticed change, and didn't think it would happen this earlier is my belly button is starting to come out. It is still an innie just not as innie as it usually is. So I'm guessing my belly button is going to pop, become an outie, much sooner then I expected. I wonder what else is going to be unexpected? And yes, my pants are unbuttoned in the picture, I can't anymore.