34 Weeks

Week 34 and I am definitely feeling pregnant now. Everything is much harder to do. My energy level is decreasing too,  mainly because it takes so much energy to accomplish anything. Nesting has certainly begun, I've been anxious to get all the baby things ready and making a variety of things for the baby. As well as preparing the house and completing projects before the arrival. At my doctor's appointment I was measuring at 35cm and have gained about 24 pounds. The baby was doing well, he was moving around so his heart rate was at 155. I will go back in two weeks and then will be in every week. We are nearing the end, which is so crazy.

Micah is 4

First can I be permitted to be shocked at how quickly each year goes by and that I now have a four year old! That can't really be can it!? Well it is and Micah is fun at four. The stories we get from him are hilarious but the best part about them is is how animated he gets.

 

How old are you?..... four

What is your favorite color?....blue

What is your favorite toy?....my gator

What is your favorite fruit?....grapes

What is your favorite this to eat for lunch?....mac and cheese

What is your favorite thing to wear?....work pants and carhartts

 What is your favorite game?....boat game

What is your favorite animal?....alligator

What is your favorite song?....he made up a song that went something like this "oh oh oh I like lions"

What is your favorite book?....horton

What is your favorite snack?....bar

What is your favorite thing to do outside?....ride my big gator

What is your favorite thing to drink?....orange juice

What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?....honey nut cheerios

What is your favorite thing to do with Mommy?....go on a trip

What is your favorite thing to do with Papa?....climb a mountain

What is your favorite thing to do with Jane?....build castles

Who is your best friend?....

What do you liek to take to bed with you at night?....nothing

What do you want for dinner on your birthday?....meat and cheese and crackers and a little bit of candy

What do you want to do for work?....put away wood

What do you want to be when you grow up?....a worker and a cowboy and a horse rider 

30 Weeks

Week 30 is here (now week 31). Even though it isn't officially a milestone other then now I go to the doctor every two weeks, I always feel like I have reached some sort of benchmark. I am still feeling pretty good. Sleeping is getting more uncomfortable but I haven't had to consistently get up to use the bathroom during that night, which is so nice. I am still experiencing SI joint pain, but it is manageable and a blessing that the really painful days are few and far between. Praying that that continues. Everything was still looking good at my doctor appointment. My weight gain seems to be about the same so far as the other kids, I've gained 23 pounds. Though I was measuring a little bigger, I measured at 32cm, typically you measure in centimeters as you are in weeks. Nothing of concern at this point. I am starting to feel limits in what I can do now because of my size and energy. But I try not to use being pregnant as an excuse to not do things and remain active. And speaking of active this boy seems to be pretty active, especially in the evenings. He moves around a lot and not just kicking but the arms and head or perhaps it is his hands up by his face. Either way I will feel him moving all around. It can be uncomfortable at times but it does make me look forward to seeing those movements when he arrives. 

He Makes Everything Beautiful

I think it is time to share some not so good news. But I feel if God is to use this beyond me it needs to be shared. At the end of last year I had a miscarriage, this month we would be welcoming a new little one into this world. I wasn't very far along but it was still the loss of one of our children, a unique person with an individual soul. It has left a void in my life, and pain I will always feel.

Those first few days have been some of the hardest days I have had to walk through. At times the sorrow was so overwhelming it left me with almost the complete inability to move. Some of my strongest feelings at first were a longing to hold my baby and sweetly whisper in their ear how much I love them. I was full of pain but my faith and trust in God was not and is not shaken. Satan might have wanted and tried to use this to break me down but God used it for my growth and to draw me to Himself. I do not understand His ways but I know He is sovereign and all things work together for His glory. He is a very present help in times of trouble. And he sees so much more than we can. I have great peace knowing our souls are eternal and in Heaven I will meet our little one. What a great day that will be, to be in the presence of the King and get to hold my baby! Now I know God is holding my baby in His arms and His arms are full of perfect love. And my baby will never experience the troubles of this world. Through those first days I found this poem online that so perfectly fit my emotions.

  My eyes long to see you;
        Now you behold Him.
    My arms ache for you;
        Now you know perfect love.
    My ears yearn for your voice;
        Now you sing His praises.
    I desire to feed you;
        Now you will never know hunger.
    I anticipated the pitter-patter of your feet;
        Now you play at His pierced ones.
    I dreamed of years of love and laughter;
        Now you will never know pain.
    I longed to watch you grow and develop;
        Now you are perfect.
    This isn't how I planned;
       But I know He loves you.
            -Monique Stam

During those days I clung to the promises found in God's Word. "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10). When I experienced those times when my strength was gone I knew by reading, and now I know from experience that God provides the strength exactly when it is needed in His wisdom. It is because of these difficult moments that my trust is built in Him. He knows where the days lead and knows what I need for each moment of every day better than I do. I also know that "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wound." (Psalm 147:3). My faith tells me that God understands, more than anyone, the pain I am feeling, He counts my tears and He will heal my broken heart.

A couple weeks after losing our baby I began to struggle with why this happened. I did not question the Lord's sovereignty and goodness, I just didn't understand why we had to loss a baby, a life before it was lived. I know this is something this side of heaven I will never fully understand and I prayed that my heart would know that. Life is full of joy but at the time I wondered and prayed that I could see that and be that again. I now know joy makes the suffering possible and suffering makes the joy more beautiful. There came a point in reading a book, (Beautiful Battlefields by Bo Stern) that I realized that it is easy in this life and in this country to confuse a lack of suffering with God’s unconditional love. As the author stated, “We can’t question His love for us because we’re in a battle. Rather, we rejoice in His love that walks us through the battle. His love shows up when we think we can’t keep going. He comes to our hurting and He pours out His compassion. Sometimes it’s through His Word, sometimes it’s through the voice of a friend, and sometimes it’s just a supernatural infusion of joy when there’s no earthly reason we should feel it.” God is so good in His healing and bringing of comfort, peace and joy.

Shortly after this struggle, of why the Lord showed me Ecclesiastes 3:11 which says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." It is hard to see or even imagine beauty coming from this, but through my faith and what I have experienced and know of God I know that He will bring beauty in my life from this. I pray that this will also be used to bring Him glory. The scripture in Ecclesiastes has grown my heart and longing for eternity, for this world is not my true home.

There are times I still experience sadness, as I think I always will, the sorrow is no longer overpowering. I will always miss our baby, nothing will replace the loss of that person. I will always wonder about our baby, their gender, their personality, their future. But I rejoice knowing our little one is in heaven with the God of love and the King and Kings. Who is so perfect in the comfort and healing He provides that despite the loss and the void left in my life I see and experience joy, and that is only because of and through His work in my life. 

Amen

During VBS Micah's class would end prayer with all the kids saying amen loudly. That has now transitioned to our house and Jane enjoys doing it just as much if not more then Micah.
7-26 Micah amen from Meagan Rice on Vimeo.

7-26 Jane amen from Meagan Rice on Vimeo.

23 Weeks

Over half way, time never does seem to slow down. Everything is looking really good with the baby. At my appointment this last week his heart rate was 150. I was measuring at 23cm and I've gained about 17 pounds. I do feel the baby move around, mostly when I am laying down in bed. Perhaps that is because I am not sitting still long enough during the day to notice his movements. I am feeling good being in the second trimester where your energy is mostly back and you're not too huge to make all moving around difficult. I have been having some pain in my hip/pelvis, my PT (aka my sister) says it is in the area of the SI joint. I pretty much feel it all the time and at times more acutely. This is a first for pregnancy pain for me, I'm just praying it doesn't get worse as the baby gets bigger.

Jane's Words

Jane is speaking so much now and becoming more clear in what she is saying. I recorded a few of the words she says because I was noticing already some of the cute pronunciation are already changing. So enjoy some Jane cuteness.
7-26 Jane's words from Meagan Rice on Vimeo.